Thursday, March 2, 2006

Busy, busy, dreadfully busy ...

I've been "busy, busy, dreadfully busy"
to quote the Veggie Tales' "Story of Flibber-o-loo".   My
midwife and her assistant were coming today for their home visit
prenatal.  So, I've spent alot of time this week nesting and
getting the house ready for their visit here, the homebirth, and my
family's visit when the baby arrives. 

We still have
decluttering work to do, in addition to the daily maintenance of
keeping the home ready for baby's (and company's) arrival.  I must
admit I'm much more vigilant about maintaining the home during this
time than usual. I do more deep cleaning that I know will be hard to
get to after the baby arrives.  And I also want to go to bed each
night knowing that if I go into labor the next day the house won't be
an embarrassment to me.

This is the time of pregnancy when the
"what ifs" and the uncertainties can really start to cause anxiety and
stress for me.  Even today, as I read of another homeschool Mom
who died in childbirth, I felt a new wave of anxiety pour over
me.  Add in the uncertainties of when baby will come, and it's
very easy to lose my focus on God and His Sovereignty. 

I love having  a plan and knowing how things are going to go and
when they are going to happen.  But childbirth (and parenting)
isn't like that.  I can't know when the baby will come.  I
can't know how the birth will go.  I don't even know the baby's
gender.  *smile*  Lots of uncertainties that I must
continually place in God's hands.  I can't control or plan these
last few weeks.  I must trust that God's timing and His plan are
best.

In my early pregnancies, I didn't handle this very
well.  I've been induced in the hospital twice because I was just
tired of the uncertainty and not knowing.  And I've even done
castor oil at home when I wasn't overdue, to try to speed things up and
have the baby before my Mom had to go back home.  The castor oil
did start things up, and my water broke, but the labor was weak and
ineffective and I ended up having to be augmented with pitocin to
finish the job my body wasn't really ready to do.

My prayer
during my last pregnancy and this one has been for grace ... grace for
me to handle the physical discomforts of the final weeks of pregnancy;
grace for me to wait patiently for the baby to come in God's timing;
grace for me to deal with hormonal mood swings in a manner pleasing to
God; and grace for me to extend to those around me.  But, I need
to begin to pray for grace for me to deal with the fears and
uncertainties that arise, as well. 

I do not want to
spend my final weeks of pregnancy complaining about my aches and
pains.  I do not want to spend this time anxiously counting days
and complaining if I go late.  I do not want to spend this time
swinging between anger and sadness.  I do not want to be irritible
with my family and friends. I do not want to become a harsh taskmaster
or an escapist in my home.  And I do not want to allow fears to
steal my peace during this time.   But without relying on
God's grace, that is exactly what I will end up doing. 

I want this to be a time of joy and celebration!  I want to
cherish these final days of carrying this baby within me, and the final
moments of our family in its current form.  I want to joyously
anticipate the arrival of our new baby and I want my work to be joyful
preparation, as well.  I want God's love and joy to flow through
my home at this time. 

So I pray for grace in my life during this time ... and I ask others to pray the same for me.

7 comments:

  1. Prayers are with you. These are indeed precious days, enjoy them. Too soon the fact that you are the only one in contact with the precious life inside you will end and you will have to share him/her with others. God bless!

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  2. kindredspiritMomMarch 3, 2006 at 1:49 AM

    Just letting you know that prayers are going up for you today. May Gos cause His face to shine on You and give you peace.

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  3. The Lord is with you, April. I'm sure you can remember all of my fears and anxieties just 7 months ago - I was a basket case. (Wow, he's 7 months old already?! - I posted a 7 month picture of him on my blog).


    Praying for peace for you.

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  4. Just stopping by to ask prayer for Candace again - this is urgent. Thank you.

    http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Janne/94131/

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  5. on my blog ~ you'll be in my prayers. You just picture yourself kissing that cute, little squishy face, cuddling, loving, hugging, enjoying ...


    And don't be too hard on yourself. We all get a bit cranky at the end. It's hard work, carrying these babies -- but they're oh, so worth it!


    God bless you!

    Deb

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  6. Just read your comment at Pattycake's blog and this post hoped that maybe we can pray for one another! We're planning our fourth homebirth in five weeks, but it's been a long and very painful pregnancy with back problems and then an open appendectomy. I've finally had a few weeks pain-free since November~WOOHOOO! Before these last weeks I was ready to birth in the hospital for the first time and even have an epi~I NEVER thought that *I* would say that! I understand your anxiety after learning of our beloved Missey. Anyway, I'll surely be checking back (prayerfully) for updates on how you are doing, 'kay? (((((HUGS))))) sandi

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  7. Thank you all. I appreciate your prayers and encouragement. Sandi, I will be praying for you, as well. :-)

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