So, I'm home today ... and Ken Davis, Chonda Pierce and I had church today. First I put in Ken Davis' "God Wants Your Body" DVD and laughed along with him. But I also felt God tugging at my heart ... about being a living sacrifice ... giving God my body, my will, and my mind.
Then I turned on Chonda Pierce's "Four-eyed Blonde" DVD. And I laughed with her ... and ended up bawling as I cried out to God.
God met me in my living room this morning, in my pajamas, in my recliner, as I rocked and nursed a feverish little baby girl. And I'm so thankful.
I have to confess that I've not been faithful to spend time with God lately. I have become so caught up in the "important things of life". Stressing over things that seem much more important than they really are. And when I became overwhelmed, instead of turning to God, I turned to distractions. Which works really well, for a moment. Only then while I'm distracted, nothing gets done, and I only end up more stressed. Although the adrenaline can kick in and I can accomplish bunches of stuff in a short amount of time. But not with grace and gentleness.
I have been a grouchy grouchy woman lately. Not continually. But too often. Oh, the things I've said and the tones I've spoken in. "Apologize to your sister right now. We do NOT speak that way in this family. We show love to each other!!" (of course it would help if MOM spoke in a loving tone, wouldn't it?)
And when I get this way, God pokes and prods at my conscience, and I feel guilty. And I don't like feeling guilty. So I try to shift blame, and I try to change the subject, and I avoid the very thing I need ... confession and seeking forgiveness. Just like my kids. At least we know my children come by it honestly. And the more I try to avoid God ... the grouchier I get.
But, today, I was reminded that God sees through all that ugliness ... and loves me anyway. So, today God and I cleaned house. I confessed. I sought His forgiveness. I let Him have my stress. I let Him speak to me.
I know I'm tired. I know I'm stressed. But it wasn't just fatigue and stress at work this morning. It was the Holy Spirit ... reaching out and drawing me to God, ministering to a tired Mom, helping me clean up. I've been focusing on the outside for awhile ... the house, the chores, the schoolwork, the kids' behavior, the list of stuff to do before Christmas. But what I really needed was to get my heart and my life cleaned up ... not the house.
When my children come home, I'm going to take them each in my arms, and tell them I love them. That I'm sorry, and will they please forgive me. And I'm going to tell them that I really want them to know that I love them, but more importantly that God loves them. That He loves them perfectly, in a way I never can.
If anyone else is focusing on the outside STUFF right now ... while neglecting their heart and their relationship with God ... I just want to urge them to draw away. Take 15 minutes, or half an hour, or an hour ... and get alone with God. Let Him clean house. I promise it will be worth it.
The Potter's Hands
by Hillsong United
Beautiful Lord, wonderful saviour
I know for sure, all of my days are held in Your hands
Crafted into Your perfect plan
You gently call me, into Your presence
Guiding me by, Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord
To live all of my life through Your eyes
I'm captured by, Your Holy calling
Set me apart
I know You're drawing me to Yourself
Lead me Lord I pray
Take me, Mold me
Use me, Fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hands
Hold me, Guide me
Lead me, Walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's hand