I've had two different blog titles in draft, to serve as a reminder to post on that topic for a long time. One was "Truly Being Home" and the other was "Immersion Mothering". Both were related to the same topic, but added to my blog at different times. But this weekend, I've been compelled by a tragedy to finally post on them.
Saturday morning, my husband woke me up with the news that a friend of mine from our former homeschool co-op and La Leche League had been killed in a car accident, along with her 3 yo daughter. She leaves behind a 5 yo son (also injured in the accident), a 9 yo son, a 13 yo daughter, and her husband. Oh ... my heart just aches to think of their pain right now. And I grieve for my friend and her 3 yo daughter -- both so young and full of life. Gone so suddenly. I rejoice, however, that she was a Christian, and I pray that her family will be reunited with her in Heaven one day.
I am reminded, once again, of how fragile life is. We have no guarantees of a tomorrow. My husband could be snatched away from me, or me from him, in a car accident tomorrow. My child could die of cancer. My baby could die of SIDS. There are no guarantees.
As I hug my children and husband closer this weekend, I am reminded that I need to love them to the best of my ability while I still can. I am home with my children daily, but am I truly home? Or am I distracted by books, the phone, the computer, the TV? Am I truly involved with them, or am I just here supervising in a more distant way?
I confess! I am easily distracted. I can drift away to another place via the computer or a book. I can get grumpy when called back to the present and the needs of my family. But what am I missing out on when I do that? How many precious moments have I already lost through my own distraction?
When I was a younger Mom, and struggling to find my parenting style, I was reading many books on parenting. But one day God spoke to me that I needed to practice Immersion Mothering. More than any other rules, or methods, just being immersed in my role as mother, and involved with my children would make the biggest difference. Call it tomato staking, or apron string tying, or immersion mothering -- the results are the same. Relationships!! Lessons taught through sharing life with our children!!
Lord, please, help me not to take life for granted. Help me not to waste moments with my family. Help me to love my family whole-heartedly and faithfully. Help me to immerse myself in my God-given role as wife and mother. Help me to TRULY be home with them, and to love them as You would. Help me to live my life in a way that I would not have any regrets. Forgive me for letting other things come between me and You, and between me and my family. I pray that my children would all choose a relationship with You, Lord, and that we will one day worship You together in Heaven. Amen.
Titus 2:3-5 "Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."
Blessings
April
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
Loving One Another
Loving Little L, and enjoying her personality, is something our whole family enjoys. Interacting with her is so much fun -- blowing kisses, giving hugs and kisses, winking, playing patty cake and peek-a-boo. She loves to mimic us. And she loves to entertain us.
If I'm winking at her and she's blinking back at me, we soon have several faces all winking at her and calling for her to wink back at them. If one sister is tickling her, and she's laughing, soon everyone else is trying to tickle her, too. My 6 yo son, who delights in pestering his siblings (especially his older sisters), just loves Little L and often tells me how sweet or cute she is.
It blesses me to see that loving tenderness in my children. I love watching them interact with Little L. One of our church's Sunday School teachers has told me several times that she enjoys seeing how much my children love each other. I need that reminder sometimes, because they bicker and squabble, and occasionally have all-out physical fights ... and it wears me down. Some days I feel like they have nothing in common and will grow up to never speak to each other again. I lose my perspective.
And then there are those other moments where the 10 yo is reading to the 7, 6, and 3 yo; those moments when they're all playing an imaginative game together; those moments where they lovingly care for Little L; those moments that I see them enjoying time with their best friends -- each other! Thank you, Lord, for those moments! They just melt my heart with their love for each other, at times.
Sometimes, my children aren't so enamored of Little L, either. She messes up their Duplo or Lego creation, she steals their crayon, she cries when they're trying to do math, she wants held while we're all trying to get different tasks done. Life isn't perfect here, and neither are we. The older children are still struggling to learn patience, self-control, and sacrificial love. We're all growing in these areas as we learn to get along with each other.
It's my job as their mother, to teach them how to get along with each other. And the best way to teach that is to model it. But I have to confess that there are days that I get sucked right into their arguing, and days when I act emotionally instead of rationally.
I need to keep my focus on God, and fill myself up with His Word, so that I can model to my children how to love sacrificially, control your temper, and have patience. I need to stay in His Word so I can keep my perspective and not become discouraged. And yet, I find myself trying (and failing) to do it on my own far too often.
The lessons my children are learning at home about relationships, and God, are lessons that they will carry with them into their adult lives. The type of spouse, parent, co-worker, employee, and general citizen that they will grow up to be starts in the lessons I teach them at home. It starts in what I model to them in the way that I live.
Lord, help me to model the fruit of the Spirit to my children. Help me to be filled with your grace and love, and let it flow through our home. Lord, please help me to have the right word or action to defuse tense and angry moments between the children, and to restore the loving relationships between them. Lord, give me the wisdom I need to raise up these children for you. Amen.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up
according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” James 1:19b-20
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” Ephesians 4:32
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” Galatians 5:22-23a
Blessings,
April
If I'm winking at her and she's blinking back at me, we soon have several faces all winking at her and calling for her to wink back at them. If one sister is tickling her, and she's laughing, soon everyone else is trying to tickle her, too. My 6 yo son, who delights in pestering his siblings (especially his older sisters), just loves Little L and often tells me how sweet or cute she is.
It blesses me to see that loving tenderness in my children. I love watching them interact with Little L. One of our church's Sunday School teachers has told me several times that she enjoys seeing how much my children love each other. I need that reminder sometimes, because they bicker and squabble, and occasionally have all-out physical fights ... and it wears me down. Some days I feel like they have nothing in common and will grow up to never speak to each other again. I lose my perspective.
And then there are those other moments where the 10 yo is reading to the 7, 6, and 3 yo; those moments when they're all playing an imaginative game together; those moments where they lovingly care for Little L; those moments that I see them enjoying time with their best friends -- each other! Thank you, Lord, for those moments! They just melt my heart with their love for each other, at times.
Sometimes, my children aren't so enamored of Little L, either. She messes up their Duplo or Lego creation, she steals their crayon, she cries when they're trying to do math, she wants held while we're all trying to get different tasks done. Life isn't perfect here, and neither are we. The older children are still struggling to learn patience, self-control, and sacrificial love. We're all growing in these areas as we learn to get along with each other.
It's my job as their mother, to teach them how to get along with each other. And the best way to teach that is to model it. But I have to confess that there are days that I get sucked right into their arguing, and days when I act emotionally instead of rationally.
I need to keep my focus on God, and fill myself up with His Word, so that I can model to my children how to love sacrificially, control your temper, and have patience. I need to stay in His Word so I can keep my perspective and not become discouraged. And yet, I find myself trying (and failing) to do it on my own far too often.
The lessons my children are learning at home about relationships, and God, are lessons that they will carry with them into their adult lives. The type of spouse, parent, co-worker, employee, and general citizen that they will grow up to be starts in the lessons I teach them at home. It starts in what I model to them in the way that I live.
Lord, help me to model the fruit of the Spirit to my children. Help me to be filled with your grace and love, and let it flow through our home. Lord, please help me to have the right word or action to defuse tense and angry moments between the children, and to restore the loving relationships between them. Lord, give me the wisdom I need to raise up these children for you. Amen.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up
according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” James 1:19b-20
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” Ephesians 4:32
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” Galatians 5:22-23a
Blessings,
April
Exploring Toddlerhood and God's Ways
Little L (13 months) is growing up. She's exploring, gaining independence, and learning. She alternates between independent exploration and clinginess. I know this is normal toddler behavior. One minute she's climbing the bunk bed ladder (eek!) or playing quietly with duplos. The next moment she's tugging on my skirts, crying to be held. She needs reassurance and comfort. After some cuddling and lap time, maybe even some nursing, she is ready to go explore again. Some weeks she needs extra reassurance and comfort, like now, when she's cutting her first stubborn molars.
As a mother, I have to balance letting her explore with keeping her safe. I have to balance giving her enough assurances of my love and presence, with not spoiling her too much. I have to be available to meet her needs, fill up her love tank, keep her safe, and teach her new things. But I don't want to hold her back too much -- keep her so safe that she doesn't learn new things.
(Let me clarify. I am a proponent of sheltering our children from the world's sinfulness -- there is no reason for my 7 year old (or even my 11 yo) to know about all the sin that is out there -- but I don't want to keep my child from learning to walk or climb (safely) because I am keeping her in a play pen or walker. I don't want to keep my child from learning to ride a bike because I keep her on a tricycle, or refuse to take off her training wheels, even when she's ready. Balance. Being attentive to know when my child is ready to grow.)
For example, yesterday our family went swimming. At first Little L let me hold her out from my body in deep water and she kicked in the water, and enjoyed the floating sensation. But when we returned to that pool later, she clung to me, afraid. I don't know what caused the change, but we moved to the baby pool instead. She still clung to me. We had to work to coax her away from us. At first she'd cry anytime we stood her or sat her in the water. I finally convinced her to sit between my legs in very shallow water, and then Steve convinced her to walk around a bit. As she gained confidence and began to wade in the water, we had to stay very close to her, catching her as she fell in the water over and over. She learned that we were there to catch her and grew bolder; so bold that I wanted to hold her back a little. I tried to take her into shallower water, but she always headed back into the water that came to her waist. Finally, I convinced her to hold hands with me while she walked. I could keep her from falling into the water, without keeping her from exploring the water.
As I wrote about Little L and her growing independence, I was thinking how much God is our Spiritual Father. How He is always there to lovingly care for us, comfort us, reassure us, provide for us, etc. He leads us in safe paths, if we listen to His guidance. But unlike Little L who is seeking her independence, I need to seek dependence on Him. I need to give up my self-reliance and cling to my Heavenly Father. I am sure there are times I walk away from Him, over-confident in my self-reliance, and He may feel the same lump in His throat that I felt as I watched Little L wobble as she sped through the pool, seeing the coming fall before it even happened. There may be times that I foolishly climb a bunk bed ladder, and He rushes to stop me. I know His love and care for me, is greater than my love for my children.
Perhaps I'm over-humanizing God the Father, but it still serves to remind me that He has given me rules and guidance in His Word -- to help me walk in His ways, to keep me safe, and to lead me into relationship with Him. And just as I want to keep my children safe from harm, to help them learn and grow, I also need to teach them about God's Word and how to walk in His ways. Even more than teaching Little L and the others how to be safe while they explore and learn, we strive to teach them about God, and we pray that they will give their lives to Him and live for Him.
Deuteronomy 1:31 "and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place."
Isaiah 49:15 "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!"
Isaiah 66:13 "As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem."
Psalm 103:13 "As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;"
2 Corinthians 6:18 "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."
Hebrews 12:7 "Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?"
Blessings,
April
As a mother, I have to balance letting her explore with keeping her safe. I have to balance giving her enough assurances of my love and presence, with not spoiling her too much. I have to be available to meet her needs, fill up her love tank, keep her safe, and teach her new things. But I don't want to hold her back too much -- keep her so safe that she doesn't learn new things.
(Let me clarify. I am a proponent of sheltering our children from the world's sinfulness -- there is no reason for my 7 year old (or even my 11 yo) to know about all the sin that is out there -- but I don't want to keep my child from learning to walk or climb (safely) because I am keeping her in a play pen or walker. I don't want to keep my child from learning to ride a bike because I keep her on a tricycle, or refuse to take off her training wheels, even when she's ready. Balance. Being attentive to know when my child is ready to grow.)
For example, yesterday our family went swimming. At first Little L let me hold her out from my body in deep water and she kicked in the water, and enjoyed the floating sensation. But when we returned to that pool later, she clung to me, afraid. I don't know what caused the change, but we moved to the baby pool instead. She still clung to me. We had to work to coax her away from us. At first she'd cry anytime we stood her or sat her in the water. I finally convinced her to sit between my legs in very shallow water, and then Steve convinced her to walk around a bit. As she gained confidence and began to wade in the water, we had to stay very close to her, catching her as she fell in the water over and over. She learned that we were there to catch her and grew bolder; so bold that I wanted to hold her back a little. I tried to take her into shallower water, but she always headed back into the water that came to her waist. Finally, I convinced her to hold hands with me while she walked. I could keep her from falling into the water, without keeping her from exploring the water.
As I wrote about Little L and her growing independence, I was thinking how much God is our Spiritual Father. How He is always there to lovingly care for us, comfort us, reassure us, provide for us, etc. He leads us in safe paths, if we listen to His guidance. But unlike Little L who is seeking her independence, I need to seek dependence on Him. I need to give up my self-reliance and cling to my Heavenly Father. I am sure there are times I walk away from Him, over-confident in my self-reliance, and He may feel the same lump in His throat that I felt as I watched Little L wobble as she sped through the pool, seeing the coming fall before it even happened. There may be times that I foolishly climb a bunk bed ladder, and He rushes to stop me. I know His love and care for me, is greater than my love for my children.
Perhaps I'm over-humanizing God the Father, but it still serves to remind me that He has given me rules and guidance in His Word -- to help me walk in His ways, to keep me safe, and to lead me into relationship with Him. And just as I want to keep my children safe from harm, to help them learn and grow, I also need to teach them about God's Word and how to walk in His ways. Even more than teaching Little L and the others how to be safe while they explore and learn, we strive to teach them about God, and we pray that they will give their lives to Him and live for Him.
Deuteronomy 1:31 "and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place."
Isaiah 49:15 "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!"
Isaiah 66:13 "As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem."
Psalm 103:13 "As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;"
2 Corinthians 6:18 "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."
Hebrews 12:7 "Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?"
Blessings,
April
Thursday, April 19, 2007
"Is he a millionaire or something?"
When we were visiting Grandma B. at the nursing home this weekend, someone asked my Brother-in-law if he was the one with six kids. He said no, that wasn't him, but his brother-in-law instead. The lady then asked if Steve was a millionaire or something, that he could have 6 kids and his wife could homeschool. Our brother-in-law told her no, Steve just took good care of his kids.
That was weird. Believe me, we don't look like millionaires or anything. We try to leave the house in clean, neat clothes, but they're not expensive clothes. I was shocked that anyone would assume we were wealthy. To be honest, we are currently struggling with medical bills and other bills, and frustrated that the money isn't stretching as far as we'd like.
My daughter thought about this conversation for awhile and then asked us later "A family has to be wealthy for a Mom to stay home, doesn't it?" I was surprised. She knows we aren't wealthy. Steve and I told her, that no, that isn't true. A family has to make careful spending choices to keep the Mom home. They have to prioritize their spending differently, but they don't have to be wealthy.
She asked what we meant and we used examples from our own life:
we don't eat out very often
we don't go to amusement parks like some of their friends
we rarely go to movie theaters
we try not to buy expensive pre-packaged foods, unless it's a great sale
we shop thrift stores and yard sales before we buy new
we don't rent movies
we use the library as much as possible
we try not to impulse shop
we don't drive new cars
we have a small house for our size family
we always look for a lower price before buying something
we use coupons and shop sales
we don't go on big vacations
we don't go to ball games very often
we do without whenever possible.
I think she understood what we meant. I hope the others in the car listening began to understand that the reason we make the choices we do, and not eat Pizza Hut whenever they get the urge, is so Mom can be home with them. I hope they all understand that we make unpopular spending choices to enable us to homeschool. We tell them no at times, because we love them, not because we don't. And we tell ourselves no, as well.
Many Americans have forgotten the credo of earlier times: "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without." But for Stay-at-home Moms and homeschool families, it is often a necessary choice to continue to follow that credo. We choose to live a frugal lifestyle, because we think the goal of being home is worth the sacrifice. Nothing is worth more to us than homeschooling our children.
Often, I find when I do without for awhile, that I didn't really need that item in the first place. I may think I really need something and be upset that I can't get it, but I later realize I didn't really "need" it after all. Wants vs. needs. When it comes down to it, most things are wants, not needs. And God continues to provide for our needs, as well as some of our wants.
I am thankful that I am a homeschool Mom. I am thankful that God, and my husband's hard work and careful choices, enable me to stay home with my children. Sometimes I forget how much of a blessing that is. Sometimes I begrudge the sacrifices, temporarily. But I would never trade this privilege for all the things I can not buy.
Forgive me, Lord, for my selfishness at times. Forgive me for not always appreciating the blessing of being home with my family. Help me to keep my priorities in the right order, and help me to make wise choices. Help me to be a careful and wise steward of my husband's earnings -- a careful helpmeet to him. Thank You, Lord, for providing for us. Amen.
Blessings,
April
That was weird. Believe me, we don't look like millionaires or anything. We try to leave the house in clean, neat clothes, but they're not expensive clothes. I was shocked that anyone would assume we were wealthy. To be honest, we are currently struggling with medical bills and other bills, and frustrated that the money isn't stretching as far as we'd like.
My daughter thought about this conversation for awhile and then asked us later "A family has to be wealthy for a Mom to stay home, doesn't it?" I was surprised. She knows we aren't wealthy. Steve and I told her, that no, that isn't true. A family has to make careful spending choices to keep the Mom home. They have to prioritize their spending differently, but they don't have to be wealthy.
She asked what we meant and we used examples from our own life:
we don't eat out very often
we don't go to amusement parks like some of their friends
we rarely go to movie theaters
we try not to buy expensive pre-packaged foods, unless it's a great sale
we shop thrift stores and yard sales before we buy new
we don't rent movies
we use the library as much as possible
we try not to impulse shop
we don't drive new cars
we have a small house for our size family
we always look for a lower price before buying something
we use coupons and shop sales
we don't go on big vacations
we don't go to ball games very often
we do without whenever possible.
I think she understood what we meant. I hope the others in the car listening began to understand that the reason we make the choices we do, and not eat Pizza Hut whenever they get the urge, is so Mom can be home with them. I hope they all understand that we make unpopular spending choices to enable us to homeschool. We tell them no at times, because we love them, not because we don't. And we tell ourselves no, as well.
Many Americans have forgotten the credo of earlier times: "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without." But for Stay-at-home Moms and homeschool families, it is often a necessary choice to continue to follow that credo. We choose to live a frugal lifestyle, because we think the goal of being home is worth the sacrifice. Nothing is worth more to us than homeschooling our children.
Often, I find when I do without for awhile, that I didn't really need that item in the first place. I may think I really need something and be upset that I can't get it, but I later realize I didn't really "need" it after all. Wants vs. needs. When it comes down to it, most things are wants, not needs. And God continues to provide for our needs, as well as some of our wants.
I am thankful that I am a homeschool Mom. I am thankful that God, and my husband's hard work and careful choices, enable me to stay home with my children. Sometimes I forget how much of a blessing that is. Sometimes I begrudge the sacrifices, temporarily. But I would never trade this privilege for all the things I can not buy.
Forgive me, Lord, for my selfishness at times. Forgive me for not always appreciating the blessing of being home with my family. Help me to keep my priorities in the right order, and help me to make wise choices. Help me to be a careful and wise steward of my husband's earnings -- a careful helpmeet to him. Thank You, Lord, for providing for us. Amen.
Blessings,
April
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Sweet Toddler Funnies
When Baby L began crawling, she'd follow us into the bathroom. She'd sit and grin while she slid the step stool back and forth on the floor, listening to its rubber feet squeak against the vinyl flooring. Sometimes we'd hear that weird noise when no one else was in the bathroom, and we'd know exactly what she was up to.
Well, now she's walking, and she's found new uses for the step stool. The other day, the children were putting a jigsaw puzzle together on the kitchen floor. The baby gate was up, and she couldn't get in. She stood at the gate fussing for awhile, but then she walked away. We thought she'd just given up, until she came back carrying the step stool. She was headed over to the gate, but Steve and I started laughing loudly, and she came to us instead.
This weekend, at her birthday party, she wandered off, and came back carrying the step stool again. She set it down next to the coffee table, climbed onto it, and then seemed to be trying to get up onto the coffee table. I was right there and wouldn't let her. Everyone was "ahhing" over her standing on the stool. So she stood up (on the stool) and gave us a concert. She would hold her hand out toward us, sing an aaaahhhh baby song, and then clap. She did it several times, and we were all laughing at the concert she was giving us from her little "stage" on the stool.
I'm getting leery, though. Just what is she going to try to do with this stool next? We've never had such a small step stool in the bathroom, so we've never had a toddler carry it around before. My Mom used to tell me about my sister R who climbed. And she was smart ... she'd stack things to get to what she wanted to reach. I'm sure she gave my Mom heart failure several times when caught on top of one of her little towers. I'm beginning to fear that 1 yo L is going to follow in her Aunt R's footsteps. Yikes!
I wish I knew what her little mind was thinking, sometimes. She is "fearfully and wonderfully made", and she keeps us laughing.
Blessings,
April
Well, now she's walking, and she's found new uses for the step stool. The other day, the children were putting a jigsaw puzzle together on the kitchen floor. The baby gate was up, and she couldn't get in. She stood at the gate fussing for awhile, but then she walked away. We thought she'd just given up, until she came back carrying the step stool. She was headed over to the gate, but Steve and I started laughing loudly, and she came to us instead.
This weekend, at her birthday party, she wandered off, and came back carrying the step stool again. She set it down next to the coffee table, climbed onto it, and then seemed to be trying to get up onto the coffee table. I was right there and wouldn't let her. Everyone was "ahhing" over her standing on the stool. So she stood up (on the stool) and gave us a concert. She would hold her hand out toward us, sing an aaaahhhh baby song, and then clap. She did it several times, and we were all laughing at the concert she was giving us from her little "stage" on the stool.
I'm getting leery, though. Just what is she going to try to do with this stool next? We've never had such a small step stool in the bathroom, so we've never had a toddler carry it around before. My Mom used to tell me about my sister R who climbed. And she was smart ... she'd stack things to get to what she wanted to reach. I'm sure she gave my Mom heart failure several times when caught on top of one of her little towers. I'm beginning to fear that 1 yo L is going to follow in her Aunt R's footsteps. Yikes!
I wish I knew what her little mind was thinking, sometimes. She is "fearfully and wonderfully made", and she keeps us laughing.
Blessings,
April