I confess. By nature I am a very selfish and lazy person. I've grown a lot, by necessity, as a mom of eight children. I've developed routines and habits that keep the family moving along somewhat smoothly. But, I still struggle with laziness. I know that there are many ways I could improve my work ethic, work habits, and my daily routines.
At the moment, though, I'm feeling extremely lazy and trying not to feel guilty about it. I've been placed on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy. I am laying on the couch, asking people to bring me things, and watching my family serve me. They're willing, and they're doing a good job, but I feel lazy when I see them struggling to get things done and I know that my presence or help would smooth the process. At least now I am home and not feeling lazy and bored in the hospital anymore.
Thursday I just felt prompted to take my blood pressure. It had to be a God-thing because I have not been tracking it at home at all. I was frustrated when the little machine we have was giving me errors, but I finally realized I might need to turn up its pressure setting. So I moved it from 140 to 170 and then got a reading of 159/95. What?!?! I've had really good blood pressure readings at all my prenatals so far, so I was surprised. There was only one time that they decided to take it again a few minutes later as it was a little high.
I watched my blood pressure for the rest of Thursday. It remained high, topping out at 167/97 on our machine. I had to turn the setting up to 200 to get some of the later readings, even though it fluctuated somewhat. I tested that it would go down if I laid down, though it rose immediately after I sat up or walked around. We finally decided to go to the Emergency Room that evening. When we got there, settled in, hooked up, and tested ... my blood pressure had fallen to 139/88. They ran tests and finally sent me home since it was all clear.
Friday morning I reached 36 weeks in the pregnancy. I got up, took my blood pressure again (132/83) and set about getting ready for a prenatal appointment. We stopped briefly at Walmart on our way to the doctor's appointment. I was a little embarrassed when I got there, since I felt a bit foolish about the unnecessary E.R. trip the night before. So, I was surprised when the nurse told me my BP was 180/88, but I was also relieved to have my own results from Thursday verified. In the end, I was admitted to the hospital after my prenatal for 24 hour monitoring and testing. At the end of that time, it was determined that my BP does respond well to bed rest, especially if I lay on my left side, and I was spilling some protein.
I came home Saturday afternoon, to continue my bed rest. I am on blood pressure medication and we are probably looking at an induction before I reach my due date. I'll be seeing the doctor more than once/week, and we'll take it one appt at a time.
I'm thankful that I have older children to help with the younger children right now, and I'm extremely thankful for my husband and kids being willing to serve me. But I still feel guilty, like a lazy burden on my family. I should be glad this is a short-term situation, not a permanent health issue. I am very glad and thankful that I usually have good health.
When I am tempted to cheat on my bed rest and do things I shouldn't, I just re-read the article on pre-eclampsia and all the possible negative outcomes. More than anything, I want to be holding a healthy baby in a few weeks, and bring him home to my family. I need to take care of him and me, in order for that to happen, so I'm trying to smash down the guilt and the feelings of laziness or being a burden.
Being on bed rest at home is much better than being at the hospital. Here I can interact with my family, snuggle with my 2 year old, read a book with my 6 year old, sleep in my own bed. I'm so glad to be home.