Just when I was determined to start blogging more personal things, more frequently, my computer died. I sat down one afternoon and it was frozen. So, I restarted it, and nothing happened. It was just gone. I've been using my little tablet to check email and do most web-based things I need to do, but I can NOT write that way. I really need a keyboard to do any blogging. Well, my teens are all away at camp this week, and I don't have to share the laptop with them, so here I am. I'll try to figure out a schedule that lets me blog and share the laptop, even after they are home.
We have all 9 kids home this summer. It may be the last summer they are all here together, and I've been trying to be very present with them. Listening to the oldest two discuss their plans for the future, trying to read to the little ones for the summer reading program, and taking the middle kids to ball practices and games. We had a child in t-ball, one in softball, one in pee wee baseball, and one in K-18 baseball. We've been in town Monday through Friday nights for the past couple months. This is the last week of baseball. In fact, last night was the final game for us. Just in time for the last-minute crunch of finishing crafts before the fair.
I've been a mother for almost 19 years (next month). I have nine kids. And yet, I still have so much to learn and so many areas to work on. I've been feeling the need to start praying more faithfully for my children. The older ones are making decisions that will affect the rest of their lives. They are launching into the world and suddenly my prayer habits seem insufficient. I need better prayer habits. I don't want to look back in ten or twenty years, and feel like I didn't do my best, didn't pray for them, or didn't model a living faith to them. Not that I can solve all their problems or ensure they keep walking with God. I just don't want to look back and realize I could have done better.
God has entrusted Steve and I with nine very precious children. Each one is unique, with their own personalities, own strengths, own weaknesses, and own needs. They clash with each other, and often times they need me at the same time. They need me to teach them how to love each other unselfishly and think of others first ... a task that seems nearly impossible many days.
Last week my sister, my mother, and my grandmother visited us. My grandmother is such a sweet, godly woman. I know she wasn't a perfect mom. I'm fairly certain she lost her temper at times with her six kids. She was a pastor's wife, and yet her 3 sons each walked away from their faith for awhile. She sends birthday cards to her grandchildren and great-grandchildren each month. She always tells us that she's praying for us, and I know it is true. She is a prayer warrior. My Mom told me once that she and Dad pray for us every single night, as well. I'm so thankful for those prayers, and it's time to exercise my own prayer muscles more. I want my children and grandchildren to know that I pray for them diligently.
So, that's where I've been. Trying to work from a tiny tablet, and trying to be present with my kids. I'm trying to come out of the fog of raising a large family and look more toward the future than the every day chaos and stresses. I will try to get back to blogging, though. I have missed it.