I'm not. I am just an average woman trying to do what God has called me to do. I don't always do it well. In fact, I often do a very mediocre job, and sometimes I just completely fail. One morning this week I was so overwhelmed with all that needed to be done to clean the house, after too many days of just relaxing. I was feeling very discouraged with the struggle to get my children to work with me. I had basically given up that day, before we even began.
Well, my pity party grew as I folded clothes, until I was crying as I put clothes away. I'm sorry, but you can't cry secretly in a house with six kids, no matter how hard you try. I finally went to my room and shut the door, but within 5 minutes I had 6 kids standing around my bed staring at me. What a novelty!! Mom's crying!!
After I reassured them no one had died, and baby and I were physically fine ... I did finally tell them I was just discouraged. I didn't want to use my tears to manipulate them, but I did want them to know that I was discouraged.
Then we got up and we all started working. I did most of the work, and I am still feeling it in my achy muscles, but the work was done. We just need to work on the concept that if we don't work daily it will all fall apart again. My oldest will be 13 next month, but we still do not have the area of chores and cheerful obedience regarding chores conquered. None of us are perfect here.
There are other times I just lose my patience and raise my voice. And I have several children who mirror that right back at me. If I let my irritation or anger show in my voice, it is returned to me in their response. I know this ... and yet I still let my frustration and anger show too often.
I am selfish. I am impatient. I get tired of the daily grind of homeschooling, housework, and raising a large family. Too often I procrastinate and don't give this task my best efforts.
How do I do it then? With God's help. I've been listening to our Selah "Hiding Place" CD in our car, and it touches my heart. The first two songs on the CD totally express my dependence on my Lord and Savior.
Selah -- You Raise Me Up
When I am down, and oh my soul, so weary.
When troubles come, and my heart burdened be.
Then I am still and wait here in the silence.
Until You come and sit awhile with me.
You raise me up so I can stand on mountains.
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas.
I am strong when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up to more than I can be.
You raise me up so I can stand on mountains.
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas.
I am strong when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up to more than I can be.
There is no life, no life without its hunger.
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly.
But when you come and I am filled with wonder.
Sometimes I think I glimpse eternity.
You raise me up so I can stand on mountains.
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas.
I am strong when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up to more than I can be.
You raise me up so I can stand on mountains.
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas.
I am strong when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up, to more than I can be.
Selah -- Part the Waters, Lord / I Need Thee Every Hour
When I think I'm going under, part the waters, Lord
When I feel the waves around me, calm the sea
When I cry for help, oh, hear me
Lord and hold out Your hand
Touch my life
Still the raging storm in me
I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford
I need Thee, O I need Thee
Every hour I need Thee
O bless me now, my Savior
I come to Thee
I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain
Come quickly and abide, or life is vain
I need Thee, O I need Thee
Every hour I need Thee
O bless me now, my Savior
I come to Thee
O bless me now, my Savior
I come to Thee
When I think I'm going under, part the waters, Lord
I'm not superwoman. I'm not perfect. I'm not even that patient. But, God is continually working in my life to change me. I am more patient and less selfish than I once was. And I pray I become even more patient and less selfish.
When I turn to God, and lean on Him, I can do this. I can stay home, and homeschool my large family ... in a manner that is pleasing to Him. With Him, I am more than I could ever be alone. And I need Him, always. Not only do I need Him, but He is faithful and He will give me everything I need to complete the task He has called me to do.
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” " 2 Corinthians 12:9
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13
"Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful." 1 Corinthians 1:7-9
"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it." 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24
Trusting in Him,
April
