Book Review: The Lifegiving Parent by Clay & Sally Clarkson

I started reading this book months ago. I've tossed it into tote bags and carried it to ball games, on car trips, and read it at home before bed. Unfortunately, my reading time was usually interrupted and it has been a slow process. By the time I finished the book, it had somehow picked up a pen mark on the cover. Oops!

The majority of this book is written by Clay Clarkson. Each chapter is written from his viewpoint, with a wrap-up at the end by Sally Clarkson. To be honest, I missed reading Sally's warm tone through the chapters. That may be part of why the book took me longer to read. Or maybe it's just that life has grown increasingly busy as a mom and grandma.

In this book, Clay and Sally address many aspects of Christian parenting, and guidelines for leading our children into relationships with Christ. The book begins with their call to number our children's days (teaching them to have goals and a structure to their day.) They then address nurturing their spirits and guarding their hearts through careful limits on what they view, what they read, and how they spend their time. The next chapters deal with renewing your child's mind by continually leading them to Scripture, strengthening your child's faith by living an active faith before them, and shaping your child's will by helping them desire to obey God. The chapters on building your child's character and forming their imaginations talk about the interactions of daily life where we correct and discipline our children and guide their free-time choices.

Clay and Sally wrap up the book by talking about the importance of a parent's role in their child's life. We only have one life to give, and our greatest ministry is the one within our own home. Overall, the book is a challenge to rise up and parent in a way that goes against the grain of our current culture. It's counter-cultural to have daily family time, to limit children's exposure to most worldly television, to have daily devotional time and encourage children to follow God's ways. Many would consider these methods to be sheltering children too much, indoctrinating them, and being too controlling. It's counter-cultural to live this way.

At times I felt as if I've failed as a Life-giving parent since television and other screens take up much more of my children's time than I'd like to admit. Daily family suppers with conversation starters don't happen here either. If you read the book and feel overwhelmed with areas that you are lacking, just take baby steps. What is one small thing you can improve on? Pick one small change you can make. The main heart of the book that I focused on was the ones that talk about letting the Bible and my faith be so important to me that my children can't help but see it. Talk about how God is working in my life so that  my kids see Him as an active and caring God. That's the main message and heartbeat I took from this book.

April E.

Review: Pressing Pause by Karen Ehman and Ruth Schwenk

Pressing Pause: 100 Quiet Moments for Moms to Meet with Jesus

Look what just arrived! #pressingpause I can't wait to dig into this devotional book for Moms. #christianmoms

A photo posted by April E (@elcloudapril) on Mar 29, 2016 at 10:15am PDT

I was initially drawn to Pressing Pause by its book description: "Kids bickering? Jam Packed? Dishes and laundry both piled high? Perhaps it's time you pressed pause." 

This is what I've got instead. #largefamilyreality #momlife

A photo posted by April E (@elcloudapril) on Apr 12, 2016 at 6:54pm PDT

Obviously the author had been peeking in my windows and suddenly I needed to read this devotional written just for moms like me, who needed to take a moment in the chaos of everyday life to re-focus and refresh. Because when my kitchen looks like that, and my kids are fighting with each other, and arguing with me about chores ... the last thing I usually think about is digging into God's Word. I either turn into drill-sergeant-mom, get grouchy and snappy, or go into avoidance-mode.

I have a lot of devotional books in my home. I have some for Christians in general, some specifically for women, some for homeschool moms, and a couple for moms in general. Most of them are paperback, and none of the ones written for moms are very deep. Pressing Pause, on the other hand, has a beautiful hardcover, with a ribbon bookmark built in. It's the perfect size for holding, with font that's easy to read. There is a neatness to the book that is appealing when the rest of your house is messy. I mean, can we just admire the nice, white pages, the pretty leaf print at the top, and the fact that nobody has drawn in it? (yet)

#pressingpause #momdevotions

A photo posted by April E (@elcloudapril) on Apr 15, 2016 at 1:11pm PDT

Each devotional begins with a Bible verse, unwraps into a devotional lesson, then closes with a prayer and some questions to really help you apply the lesson. There are a few lines at the end of each devotion where you can write your answers if you want. I have an issue with writing in devotions, because then I feel I can't re-use it again later, so I prefer to journal my thoughts in a notebook instead. Some of the devotions are light and refreshing. Others are more challenging, like the one I read this week about parenting in unity with your spouse. Ouch ... and very timely!

I am enjoying these short devotions. I can sneak into my bedroom for five minutes and just take some time to focus on God's plan for my life, and his heart for me as a mom. I can pray and breathe in some peace ... until someone bursts in with the news that my preschooler needs her bottom wiped or the toddler has a poopy diaper. Deep breath, one last prayer, and back into the fray.

Pressing Pause will make a lovely Mother's Day gift for the moms in your life: new moms, older moms, working moms, stay-at-home moms. Give them the gift of a few moments peace, a few moments to stare at a clean, white page, and read life-giving words!

April E.

Better Together: Because You're Not Meant To Mom Alone - my Review

#bettertogether Encouraging Moms to reach out to other Moms. Let's do this mom thing together. #momlife

A photo posted by April E (@elcloudapril) on Apr 15, 2016 at 8:41am PDT

Momming is hard. It just is. We pour out our lives on a daily basis for our families, often neglecting ourselves. We don't take care of ourselves, we don't rest, we don't nurture friendships with other women. But we should.

Jill Savage is a mother of five, and she's walked that road. Developing friendships with women didn't come naturally for her, but she realized it was important and pushed herself to find her mom tribe. Her daughter, Anne McClane, grew up watching her mom invest in and benefit from these mom friendships. Now, as a wife and a work-at-home mom of two, she is having to grow her own mom tribe. Each of them share their experiences and their challenges in Better Together: Because You Aren't Meant To Mom Alone.  

Better Together begins with building a case for why women need real, in-person, local friendships. There are benefits that come from these skin-on relationships that can't be replaced with social media and discussion groups on the internet. Jill and Anne then discuss ways to find potential friends and develop those friendships. Yes, it is a bit of Friendship 101, but sometimes we need to be reminded of how to make a connection with a stranger or acquaintance. I really enjoyed reading about their different styles of mothers and personalities, and even learned a few things I hadn't really thought about before. The majority of the book focuses on ways to actually live out those friendships in difficult times, through life struggles, health problems, conflict, and just the busyness of life.

In other words, Better Together is a how-to book for taking the MBF (Might Be Friends) moms in your life to the next levels: TBF (Trying To Be Friends), GGF (Good Girl Friends) and BFF (Best Friends Forever). I love the ideas in each chapter to inspire me, because I am just too brain dead to think about growing friendships most days. Even with their ideas, I'm going to have to work up the energy to try to implement them. I'd probably better start with prayer for God to open my eyes to opportunities.

So if you're a lonely mom trying to make connections in your community, or a mom wanting to bring together some other moms for a group study, Better Together is the perfect book for you. Learn from other moms who have built their mom tribes through trial and error.

I also have to recommend you go to Anne's Everyday Small Things blog and subscribe. She has a free gift of phone wallpapers for moms. I subscribed, downloaded the two wallpapers, and changed my phone right away!




April E.

Creating a LifeGiving Home

I've been married for nearly 22 years, and have been a mother for 20 years. My husband and I have a large family. We had 9 kids in 18 years. Needless to say, life became very hectic, loud, messy, and sometimes crazy. Our baby days are over now and we only have 7 children still living at home full-time. I had already decided that 2016 needed to be a year of change in our home, of finding order, re-establishing joy and peace - a hard thing with 7 strong personalities and shared bedrooms. And then I found The LifeGiving Home: Creating a Place of Belonging and Becoming by Sally Clarkson and Sarah Clarkson.

I've actually read all of Sally Clarkson's books and I know her heart for mothers and families is full of love and grace. But even though I'd read all those books and agreed with them, that wasn't the reality I was living in. I'd lost the vision for my home - we were just trying to survive every day. And I'll confess I'd become overwhelmed and wasn't giving my full energy or heart to my homemaking. I felt unappreciated by my crowd and was letting that discouragement affect my actions.

I'd fallen into a "why bother" attitude about cooking since it seemed half the kids would complain about most meals and I rarely could make everyone happy. They'd rather eat frozen corn dogs than a steaming pot of healthy, home-made soup. So why bother expending my energy and creativity in cooking healthy meals? The kids are tearing around the house being crazy, making messes, and fighting me on chores - so why bother cleaning up every day anyway? Reading aloud isn't going to work because of all the bickering and interruptions, so why try?

Yeah - I'd fallen pretty low from the ideals I'd started with as a wife and mom. I got up every day, fed all the kids, kept them safe, made sure they did their homeschool work - but I didn't do it with joy or creative energy at all. I loved them. I hugged them. I disciplined them. I tucked them in every night. But I wasn't giving them all the life and joy and meaning in each day that I could.

Enter The LifeGiving Home. It is restoring my vision and my love for my home and my role as a wife, mom, homemaker. Sally and Sarah Clarkson share both from the heart of a wife and mother, and that of a daughter and single woman. Both are creating homes that are filled with love, beauty, and hospitality. It is a reminder that no matter where you are or what you have, you can create a home of beauty, love, joy and peace. You can bless your family, and all who enter your home, with Christ's love and a haven from the harshness of the world we live in.

So I have my mission for 2016, and my inspiration in The LifeGiving Home and The LifeGiving Home Experience. I will be gleaning from them both, all year long. Not only do I still have 7 children living at home, and a wonderful husband I appreciate - I also have children leaving the nest. I want all of them to enjoy being home, to feel love and peace in our home, and to know they are safe here. I want them to cherish our home still, and to bring their children home to visit someday. I want our home to be a legacy of faith and love and joy.

 Be inspired this year, and create your own lifegiving home.

April E.

23 days down, 343 to go.

We are 23 days into the new year, and I still haven't made any resolutions. So far my list looks like this: "potty train my almost 3 year old and just do better at everything I should be doing".

I haven't picked a word for 2016, though with the busyness and noisiness of our family life, peace still seems like a good word. Or maybe I need to focus on love and joy more. Actually, sometimes I just need to remember to smile at my loved ones. Smile seems like a lousy word for the year, though.

I have the winter blahs and we just got our first real snow 3 days ago. Our homeschool is three weeks into the second semester and I am struggling to find my motivation. I know I struggle through every winter ... some seasonal depression I am sure.

Knowing this, I opened our living room drapes, braving the drafts in exchange for some much-needed sunlight. But that doesn't change the fact that we are having cabin fever. I still haven't figured out how to get my kids outdoors so they aren't cooped up fighting. all. day. long. No one really likes the cold weather - or the summer heat for that matter. We are definitely a spring and fall family.

This week, the kids did stop procrastinating over their schoolwork so much. Progress! I dug out the first All About Reading reader and my 1st grader is reading it to me every day. That has been a bright spot in each day, to see him having success at reading me a story, with very little help from me.

I was looking at my curriculum shelf the other day and noticed some of my writing resources and other things. It suddenly made me wish for a chalkboard that I could put daily writing prompts on for my elementary and middle school children. I remember doing that with my older girls, and they had composition books to write in each day. Just an idea that fell by the wayside over the years, but would be a simple way to get writing added back in to our homeschool.

Actually, I think I need to start the school day with "mom lessons" and do some group things before they jump into their individual workbooks. Waiting until they each finish their workbooks (at different times) hasn't been working well. Just some restructuring, I think.

I don't have huge goals for 2016. I really just have one - to restore peace and order in our home. I have already made progress on the house, but the family and school routines still need a lot of  work. I need to dig into God's Word and work on my own spiritual life so I can be filled with peace and love to pour onto my family. Maybe it will be catching. Even if it isn't, I will be showing a more active and committed Christian walk, setting an example.

How's that for a completely rambling post to celebrate that I have a laptop again? Blogging is so much easier with a keyboard and not on a tablet.

Seeking peace and joy and order in 2016!
April E.

Sometimes you have to meet them where they are ...

I'm new to raising boys, relatively speaking. Our first 3 children were girls, then the boys started coming. Currently, at home, the boys outnumber the girls for the first time ever. My oldest son is now 14. He's our first male teen. And no matter how politically correct it is to say so, boys are very different from girls. They act differently. They laugh at different things. They relate differently. They show love differently.

My 14 year old son has started randomly telling me "I love you like a moose loves a cow." That has led to interesting discussions of whether moose love cows or not. He tried to (jokingly) defend a moose-cow hybrid. We searched the internet for such a thing and failed. As expected. Now moose-cow hybrids have become a family joke, popping up randomly in conversations, usually when I least expect it.

A few days ago, he said it again, and I responded with "I love you like a lemming loves the sea." That totally confused him, so we got to look up lemmings and the myth that they will run off a cliff into the sea to die when migrating. But mostly, I was just glad I got to confuse him with a similarly nonsensical statement of endearment.

I think it's just a way to tell his Mom that he loves her without sacrificing his macho manhood as he's growing up. That's okay. I'll continue to find ways to play along and keep it light-hearted. I don't want to embarrass him, after all. Well, most of the time I don't want to embarrass him.

April E.

Real Life Homeschool - When You're Exhausted

I should have posted this already. I meant to. But after the week we've had (which included a sheriff deputy banging on our door at 5:20 am today, to tell us we had another fire) I've been brain dead. The good news is my boys were awake early thanks to the banging and excitement, and they got their school done early because of it. Everyone did!

The bad news is I took a nap this afternoon. I took my review book to bed and read until I couldn't anymore. Then I tried to sleep, but my 2 year old son was doing somersaults over me. He finally stopped and I got an hour's nap ... and woke up to a very messy living room. Of course, I have older kids who can keep an eye on things when I nap now ... but I haven't always.

When my kids were all little, I sometimes turned on PBS or Veggie Tales movies in the afternoon, laid on the couch and dozed while they played around me. If you're a mom, you know that not-quite-asleep haze that moms get in when they're trying to nap but they're also keeping an ear on the kids. I've been there so many days over my 19 years of motherhood, usually to awaken feeling worse than I did when I laid down.

Now the kids are playing outside, the 2 year old is napping, ham and beans are simmering on the stove, and I'll try to get this post written before I clean up the living room.

Every Mom knows what it is to be exhausted. Sometimes we push ourselves so hard, trying to do more than we possibly can. Sometimes the family just gets inundated with illnesses that rob us of sleep and wear down our immune systems. Sometimes emotional anxiety and turmoil creates its own suffocating exhaustion. We push on, not taking care of ourselves, until we are falling apart emotionally.

My husband has figured this out. He used to wait until I was just a wreck, having an emotional melt-down, and then tell me to "Go to bed!" I'd usually huff away upset that he thought the problem was me. Except he was right, and things always looked better the next day. And the parts that hadn't changed, were much more manageable when I was rested.

Now he tries to stay on top of things more. He is always urging me to get my rest. He knows I can not push myself as I used to. I suppose the fact that I now take daily medication for high blood pressure and anxiety were wake up calls for both of us. Or maybe he feels his own need for sleep more now that we're both over 40, and wants us both to take care of ourselves.

I just want to say "You are not alone! It's okay to admit you're tired. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to let yourself rest."

• Take a mental health day, and pop in some educational dvds. Let the kids watch a documentary or an educational cartoon. Some of our favorites are Magic School Bus, Where in the World is Carmen SanDiego?, and Liberty Kids. You can buy the whole set inexpensively on Amazon.
  
• Ask your husband to put the kids to bed, and put yourself to bed first. It's okay to let your husband know you need this help, that you really need to rest.
  
•  Sleep in. If the kids wake up and come to you, let them snuggle in and fall asleep again. The schedule can wait. School will be there a little later. Just rest.
  
• Take a Sunday nap while your husband does something with the kids. Let him take them to the park, or let him watch a movie with them. 

You have a lot of responsibility on your plate. You have little ones depending on you for everything. Their education depends on you. Your husband depends on you. Sometimes you have to just let go of the schedule and the lesson plan and take care of yourself.

It will be okay. You can go a week or two longer into the summer if you have to. You can even skip the last few lessons in your math book! (It took me awhile to get over feeling guilty for this.)

It will be okay. I promise. So go ahead, get some rest! Your kids (and your husband) will thank you for it. Because a rested Mommy is a happy Mommy, and a happy Mommy makes a happy family.

April E.

Discover real life in other homeschools with the Schoolhouse Review Crew bloggers! Join the blog hop to read more!


Meet some of the other amazing Moms and Homeschool Crew members:
Indy Homeschool
The Open Window-An Autism Blog
Creative Madness Mama
Hopkins Homeschool
Tots and Me...Growing Up Together
Our Journey
Crystal Starr
A Little This ... A Little That
For the Display of His Splendor

And then reality struck ...

Two nights ago, we were starting the Resurrection Eggs (late) with our kids. We hadn't used them for several years and the younger four kids were enraptured with the eggs and discovering the surprises in each new egg.

As I looked at Steve sitting on the floor, surrounded by our younger kids, my heart was filled with love. I smiled and was thinking how special the moment was, and how glad I was that we were doing it again, even if we did start very late.

Just when I thought I should grab the camera and snap a picture, reality struck.

As Steve attempted to move onto the second egg (because we were late, remember?) the kids disintegrated into goofy laughter over bad jokes. Then the fighting started over who hadn't held the surprise yet. One of the kids kept opening and shutting the egg, even though Steve was asking them not to (because we all know plastic eggs don't last very long.)

Yeah. That's what our family is really like. No idyllic moments of beautiful family devotions here. We wrestle (figuratively) the Scripture into them, working around sibling squabbles and potty humor to get them to hear the Truth.

Sometimes we feel like giving up. But then one of the kids talks about something they learned and we realize that maybe it's sinking in after all. So we persevere, even if it's not always pretty.

We try to keep our patience, though sometimes we raise our voices, threaten to NEVER do this again, and tell everyone to SIT STILL and BE QUIET! But, sometimes, we do it right, and sometimes they learn something important.

I won't promise to ever post a picture of our devotions here, because our living room is probably messy and the kids are probably fighting, but I just wanted to encourage you to keep trying, even if your house looks like mine at devotion-time.

One day, when talking about their testimony, one of your kids might mention those devotions as a time when they realized they needed God. Our 11 year old son did, when he was baptized last year. I keep hanging onto that memory when I want to throw down the devotions and NEVER do it again.

April E.

Words to hold onto!

Let's be honest. Often, being a mother is a thankless job. Mom is often the dumping ground for every negative feeling, every complaint and criticism. It can become very easy to believe that nothing you do matters, that your children are unhappy, and that you are failing.

In reality, our kids feel safe with us. They feel safe spilling out all their inner ugly on us, including their disappointment, frustrations and discontentment. They know we will still love them. They hope we will encourage them.

This week, my 14 year-old son returned from a sleepover. He had a good time, but he lounged on our couch that evening and said, "It's good to be home."

Our 19 year-old daughter is home for Spring Break and she wandered out of the girls' shared bedroom a short while later and echoed a similar sentiment. "Usually when I come home, I'm so eager to go back to school, but this time I just want to stay. It's so good to be home and I'm really enjoying just relaxing," she said.

Those words just wrapped a warm hug around my heart. We have an older home. It's a crowded home. We only have one bathroom and everyone shares a room except our high school senior. The shower drips. Our fridge has issues. The young kids make toy messes. We're loud. The house is still sporting 1960s paint and decor, despite us having lived here for 7 years.

I'm accustomed to griping and complaining from the kids on a regular basis about the state of our home, their siblings, the limited satellite internet, or even just the fact that we live in the country and not in town. To hear two of them say "It's good to be home" in the same day was so nice. I was still thinking about it when I got up the next morning.

As I was getting ready for my day, I was thinking about that. As mothers, it is our job to make our home warm and welcoming. No matter how new or how old, we want our home to be filled with love. We want it to be a safe place, a nest for our family. So hearing our kids say "it's good to be home" means we are succeeding.

Sometimes they say that after a long day at school, a vacation, or just a busy day of errands. The extroverts may not say it as often, and they may be ready to leave shortly after they say it, but they still mean it.

Listen for it. Remember it. Remind yourself they said that the next time they start to dump on you about your home, about the lack of "good food", about their annoying siblings, or whatever it is that your kids gripe about.

I know my kids have said it before, but it didn't really sink in until this week. I'll be listening more, and remembering it when the dumping comes. The dumping is just temporary frustrations coming out. It isn't the deep truth that your kids really feel about you and your home.  Don't listen to the negative stuff and get discouraged. Listen for the words that show they really do love and appreciate you and your efforts.

Here are a few other words they casually blurt out every now and then that always lift my spirits:

1. I love you, Mom.
2. Thanks, Mom!
3. You look really pretty today, Mom.
4. You're the best, Mom!
5. I told someone what you said once, and they thought I was so smart.

I don't know what words you need to hear. But I'm sure your kids say them sometimes. Just listen and tuck them away for the bad day. Write it down if you need to, so you can't forget. They do appreciate you, they just don't always say it.

Hang in there,
April E.

All the little moments ...

It is the middle of winter. It's cold. We're sick. I've had interrupted sleep more nights than I want to think about. The holidays seem distant and so does Spring. The kids are cranky, and the house is cluttered. Homeschool doldrums have hit and every day is a struggle to get my boys to focus on their schoolwork. Many days go by where I feel as if I'm  too busy with the mundane details of living to really make a difference.

But all those little moments ... the ones that seem insignificant ... really do matter. They build upon each other to instill love, security and faith in God within my children's hearts and lives.

• Sitting and holding the cranky 1 year old yet again
• Looking at the fourth drawing my 6 and 8 year olds have handed me in half an hour
• Playing color and shapes bingo with my preschooler
• Reading that book one more time
• Listening to my older children talk through their futures, their worries, their daily updates
• Watching that movie with the teen who just HAS to share it with you
• Preparing meals. every. single. day.
• Breaking up sibling squabbles
• Correcting inappropriate behavior ... again
• Reminding and reminding and reminding
• Scheduling appointments and ferrying kids back and forth 
• Keeping track of clothing needs
• Finding lost items
• Counting blocks with a preschooler while I'm cooking supper
• Tucking children in at bedtime
• Putting bandaids on invisible owies
• Listening to my boys talk, even when I have no idea what their video game is even about
• Admiring the way each child is growing up and changing and telling them
• Taking the time to smile at the sweet little face looking up into yours when you're trying to finish a project

This is what being a Mom is. This is the love in action that gives my kids peace and security. Loving them well isn't always pleasant ... they sometimes claim I hate them when I have to be firm or impose consequences on them. But every time I remind them of the appropriate behavior, I am reminding them to treat others with love, to be respectful, to do what is right. It may seem like it's not sinking in, but it has to be ... just a little.

Every hug, kiss, and story fills them with comfort, security and love. Every time I listen to their story or look at their project, I validate who they are and their thoughts and creativity. Every time I make them do the responsible thing, I'm working to shape them into a responsible adult someday. Every time I answer a Bible question or redirect their conversation back to a God-honoring place, I'm building the foundation that their faith will rest on.

It's hard to remember that in the middle of the day as I'm rushing from person to person needing me, with no idea what I'm going to cook for supper, and a toddler clinging to me. The kids don't always make me feel loved or appreciated as I direct them through their days. I feel as if I'm getting nowhere when my husband asks me when the last time we vacuumed was or I realize I can't find that shirt because it's buried at the bottom of my laundry hamper still. I get grouchy, they are grouchy, and my perspective gets out of whack.

No one notices what Moms do every day, especially those outside our home. But if we didn't do it ... if we didn't love our family through diligent service every single day ... our families would suffer.

I'm trying to remind myself that all these little things are actually very important things. I'm trying to be aware of the times when my kids do show their appreciation. I'm trying to really notice what they are like NOW, because next year they will be different. I'm trying to get through the rest of this winter without giving into the blahs, and it helps to remember that every little thing I do actually does matter.

What about you? Are you fighting the winter homeschool blahs, too? Are you feeling like you're just a maid, taxi driver, and babysitter?

You're not. You're a mom and you're very important. You're building healthy children, training future adults, and filling their emotional needs. You matter. We both do.

Just keep loving them well.

April E.

Throwback Thursday: Two Little Girls

Once upon a time there were two little girls. They were the oldest of three, then four kids. Their two younger siblings hung out in a cramped waiting room while they took dance classes.

Now those cuties are 18 and 19.5. They're beautiful young women following God's unique paths for their lives. They're sisters with so much in common, and yet so very different from each other. Each holds a special place in the heart of their family, and their seven younger siblings all adore them!

I can't believe those two little girls are all grown up.

April E.

Our new journey with a far-sighted preschooler and amblyopia ...

My little cutie has new glasses. I think it was God who prompted me to ask the eye doctor to take a look at her eyes when we were in for our yearly eye exams. I had just noticed that sometimes one eye turned in a little bit, especially when she was tired. I didn't expect to be told she actually needed glasses, and that she would need to wear a patch for 1-2 hours each day.  Farsightedness and amblyopia. Thankfully, any strabismus (eye turning in) is very minor and we primarily need to work on strengthening her weak eye.

This has been a new experience for us. None of our children have needed glasses at such a young age before. Our children who do have glasses are near-sighted, not far-sighted. This is also our first time patching with one of our children. V is a very active and determined little four year old. We felt like she'd pull off a pirate-style eye patch with a band, because it would bother her.  I worried that she'd react to the adhesives if we put disposable patches on her every day.

With all that in mind, I went looking for a patch that would attach to her frames and found Patchpals.com. They had affordable, comfortable looking patches that could be either bought with embroidered designs on them or iron-on designs. We went with the iron-on style since they were less expensive. We bought 3 of them in two styles, partly because she couldn't make up her mind on designs, and partly so we could have back-ups in case they went missing. I also wanted to try both styles to see which ones worked better and were more comfortable. So far I like them both, but she seems to prefer the pocket style.

She's doing really well about keeping her glasses on throughout the day and looking through them. They fit really well and haven't been an issue at all. But wearing her patch lost its excitement after the first couple days. It's hard work for her weaker eye (I don't like the term lazy eye) to focus and she starts trying to peek around it or pull her glasses up or down. I'm aiming for lengthening her time period slowly.

This morning she wore it for half an hour before she started trying to lift her glasses up or down. Her brothers had her watching a video on a tablet, though, and I think that the video-movement was too much work for her eye. I reminded them that looking at books, coloring, or doing workbooks would probably be easier on her eye. So we exercised her eye another 10 minutes and then we told her she could rest her eye and take the patch off. We will need to exercise her eye again sometime today. I am trying to use those terms to remind her of why she needs to wear the patch.

We were really impressed with Patch Pals. They shipped the very next day and included a brochure that has pictures of other kids in their patches, as well as a little membership card that the child can sign promising to wear their patch to help make their eyes healthy and strong.  When Steve saw that he said, "Now that's a class act!"  They also have a facebook page for families to find support and encouragement. We showed her other kids in their patches to help her understand what was going to happen before they arrived. She asks to see other kids in their patches sometimes.

We still have to figure out the best ways to get her to wear her patch each day. For now, I'm content trying to work up to the recommended 1-2 hours. She has a follow-up appointment next week to see how she's doing.

Since I do write sponsored reviews, I wanted to let you know that this post is NOT a sponsored review. We're very pleased with the patches we bought and the service from Patch Pals. I didn't even intend to talk about them when I started to share about our new journey today. But I did want to mention them in case any other families are looking for solutions for amblyopia.

At least V no longer has a problem with bowed legs. She outgrew that, and I'm hoping and praying that she outgrows this problem, as well.

April E.

Time for myself, as a mom of many?

Finding time for myself, as a mom of 9 kids, is difficult. As I type this I'm sitting in the living room in the dark. My husband has already gone to bed. Two teen daughters are awake, in different rooms. I'm sitting in a room full of sleeping sick kids, and one 4 year old who napped too much this afternoon and won't give up yet. Hopefully she'll fall asleep soon. This is as alone as I've been lately.

Okay, I did run errands at the community college, the library, and Wal-Mart alone today, but it didn't exactly feel like alone time. I was gone for 1.5 hours, but I didn't let myself slow down and enjoy it. I didn't call a friend and get coffee. I just hurried home to the sick kids so my teens could return to their school work.

But I've grown accustomed to this. Even as an introvert, I've learned to enjoy the more quiet moments, even if I'm not completely alone. I still find time to refresh myself, in small snatches, and I survive. Yes, I get tired. Yes, I get grouchy sometimes. But, it is all in my perspective. I can enjoy the semi-peaceful, semi-quiet, and semi-alone moments as they come.  Or, I can sit around being angry that I haven't gone out for coffee in months, am past due for a haircut, haven't had a date night lately, and I don't get spa days or writing get-aways.

There is beauty in even the mundane moments. Right now, I have four sleeping "babies" and one almost sleeping "baby" laying scattered around the lamp-lit living room. (Don't tell the 8 and 10 year olds I called them babies.) Lullaby music is playing, the smell of Vick's cherry chest rub for kids fills the air, and my four year old finally talked herself to sleep. She has always been one to talk herself to sleep. She knew I was near, and she felt loved. Someday I'll miss those falling asleep conversations. Someday I'll miss having kids wake me up in the night because they are sick and need me. (Okay, maybe not that one.)

For every energy-draining argument I have with a teenager, every debate with a tween, every temper tantrum from a preschooler, every interrupted night, and every chore or school struggle, there are also moments when someone asks for a hug, wants to know if I love them still, tells me they love me, and even rare moments when everyone is happily occupied so I am able to sit and read a book.

When I am physically spent, I can head to bed early, or collapse on the couch with a preschooler in my arms to nap for a couple hours, as I did today. When I am spiritually spent, I cry, I pray, I journal, I dig into God's Word, and I pour out my heart to my husband.

Then in the morning I get up and do it all over again.  Because no matter how loud and crazy my house is, no matter how ordinary the days are, I love my husband and my kids. I love my stressed-out, busy life.

I have a couple favorite quotes and a favorite Bible verse that encourage me.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I will try again tomorrow."
             ~ Mary Anne Radmacher

“Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”
             ~ Anne of Green Gables, L.M. Montgomery

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
            Lamentations 3:22-23

I love knowing that no matter how exhausted or grouchy I am, no matter how difficult the day has been with attitudes or arguments, tomorrow is a new day. When I get up each day, we start over.  And if I get myself up early enough, I can even start my day with peace and quiet before the kids get up. 

Which means I should probably go to bed now, before someone needs me again.

April E.

My Word for 2015: PRAY!

I've chosen a word for the year ever since 2009. Those words have included persevere, refresh, peace, joy, survive (hectic year), and grace. When I choose a word for a year, it is a hope and prayer for the year ahead. I don't believe there is any special power in a word for the year. It is just a reminder to myself - an intentional focus point.

As I started thinking about 2015 and where I am in life right now as a Christian wife, mother, and citizen of the world only one thing came to mind: PRAY! I tried to come up with a word to describe how we are to pray instead - steadfast, persevering, continually - but decided it is simplest to just leave it at PRAY.

For years I've been hoping for more love, joy, peace, grace, and to know God better. The best way to achieve any of those is through prayer. I need the reminder to PRAY.

• I long for my children to draw closer to God. PRAY!
• I fear for my husband's safety as he commutes to work each day. PRAY!
• Life is full of difficult decisions. PRAY!
• I need wisdom to know when to hold my tongue, when to speak, and what to say. PRAY!
• Projects and needs often exceed the available finances. PRAY!
• The demands of my family stretches my emotional and physical reserves. PRAY!
• Knowing what and whom to prioritize is difficult.  PRAY!

Some of my favorite verses call me to prayer, as well.

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." 
                   Jeremiah 33:3

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." 
                    Philippians 4:6

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."
                    1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind ... But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere."
                  James 1:5-6 and James 3:17


Do you have a word for 2015? Do you also need to focus on prayer?

April E.

Feeling Blessed Today

I am sitting here tonight, listening to the sounds of my family, and feeling blessed. I just thought I'd take a moment to share some of the sweet moments in my day.

• Early this morning I got up quietly, just in case I needed to wake my 19 yo up for work. She found a full-time job over Christmas break, which is a tremendous blessing for her!  She worked there this summer, and always got herself up, but I woke up just in case she needed me. A few minutes later, I heard her get up on her own and go about her morning routine. It's so encouraging to see her maturity and responsibility.

• Later, this morning I caught my 13 yo son dancing with his 8 yo sister to one of Taylor Swift's latest songs.  (Shake It Off)  I really wanted them to be doing their schoolwork, but there was no way I was going to interrupt a rare moment when they were getting along and having fun. I just quietly walked away.

• I wrapped presents today while listening to Christmas music. The younger kids took turns ferrying wrapped gifts from my bedroom to the tree. Each child has 3 gifts from Mom and Dad (totaling under $50), a $10 gift from a sibling, and a pajama gift from us. Of course, once you take 5 gifts times 9 kids, and a few for Steve and I ... you have a huge pile around the tree. (I kind of wish I'd waited to wrap some of them so the living room wasn't so FULL, but my closet was a war zone.) It's fun to see the kids' excitement and anticipation!

• At this moment, I can hear my 17 and 19 yo daughters talking and laughing in the bedroom.  I don't know what they're talking about, but it is so good to hear them enjoying time together while A is home from college. 

• My 15 year old daughter is also making me smile as she reads The Night Before Christmas and some of our other Christmas books to 4 yo V.  I love when my older kids read to the younger ones. It always makes me smile!

I am sure I could think of a few other blessed moments in my day, but I need to read our Advent devotions to the kids and tuck them into bed.

April E.

Five (or Six) Things I'm Really Bad At

True confession: I'm terrible at teaching kids to potty train. It gets later and later with each child. I can't imagine having a 2 year old in underwear anymore. My just turned 4 year old is still in pull ups and many days she really resists going potty. She knows how. There have been accident-free days. She just doesn't make it a priority ... I err on the side of preserving relationship, reducing battles, and minimizing messes. Especially the messes. I need to get over that and put her back in underwear. She tries harder when she's wearing them. It's a good thing I've only got one more child to potty train after her.

While I'm confessing ... here are five other things I'm really bad at:

1. Maintaining a family schedule. I can't seem to stick to a schedule for anything. Every day looks different around here: bedtimes, wake times, meal times, chore time, school time. We just go with the flow and try to get it all done ... eventually.

2. Folding laundry. I used to wash it all during the day, then fold it at night after the kids went to bed, while watching TV with Steve. Back in our Night Owl days with little kids, before the Great Commute entered our lives. Now we have teens who never go to bed, and we both crash earlier since Steve has to get up before 5 am. So when do I fold laundry? Infrequently. I've tried folding it on the dining room table or my bed, but the table is usually busy/messy and my bed seems to invite kids to trample my piles. I need to find a new plan because Steve has taken to folding it on the weekends while watching tv, and while I keep little ones happy. It's working, but I feel guilty.

3. Meal planning. I've tried multiple times to get better at meal planning. I currently have a chalk board hanging in the kitchen where I'm supposed to write the week's menu. It worked for awhile, but now we just seem to add to it as we go through each day. More of a record than a plan. Some of my kids are picky and some are calorie-conscious and reject some of the picky kids' favorite meals because they're too high-calorie. I struggle to find a balance that pleases everyone.

4. Spelling Lessons. I never hit this consistently each week. We start the school year off being semi-consistent and then we fade away. Thankfully, most of my kids have a natural spelling ability that seems to just improve as their reading level grows. I have one boy who struggles a bit more with it, and I finally caved and bought him his own workbook system that doesn't rely on me to give him weekly lists and a test. I need to get better about this.

5. Downsizing and Reducing Clutter. Despite what my husband thinks, I'm really not good at getting rid of things. I look at the overflowing bookshelves, movie shelves, and toy shelves and only manage to weed out a few things. I keep too many things because I wonder if one of the younger kids will want it later, even if the older kids aren't interested in it. I just happen to be a bit better at it than my husband, so he thinks I'm always throwing things away or giving them away. I've given up on decluttering his stuff. He'll get to it, eventually.

There are more. Lots more. But when I look at these 6 things, I wonder why in the world God thought I could homeschool and have a large family. I can see how far from perfect I am, with my faults, and my kids' faults staring me in the face each day. I'm thankful that it's not all up to me. God's Grace is also at work in our home and our family. The picture may seem messy and imperfect at times, but He's not done with any of us yet.

April E.

Grace and Mercy for an Undeserving Mom

We have the cutest little one year old. Baby B isn't really a baby anymore, but he has the prettiest blue eyes with long dark, lashes and light brown hair. He tilts his head to the side and smiles at us, and we all say, "Aaah!" He's a skinny little guy, but his cheeks have just enough pudginess to them to retain his sweet baby face look. 

Every day for the past 6 days, whenever I hold his tiny hand, or kiss his little cheek, I realize how very blessed I am to still have him.  Last Friday, while visiting family for Thanksgiving, we did a little bit of sight-seeing in Kansas City. We went to Union Station to see its Christmas lights, and while taking photos at the big Christmas Tree, he wandered off.  We were a large group, of 19 people, but in the distraction of family photos, none of us noticed him walk away. 

I don't even remember who first said, "Where's B?" but soon we were all scouring the area for him.  18 people scattered, looking in different directions for his little camouflage jacket. It wasn't that crowded, and it had only been a few minutes since he climbed off my lap. We should have been able to see him, but we couldn't. Steve asked a security guard if he'd seen him, and I was standing in the middle trying to figure where else he could have gone, looking for staircases or other doors. I was trying not to panic or cry, but starting to feel like I was in a horrible nightmare.

Then I spotted a family walking out of a restaurant, holding a  small child. I could see a gray or green jacket, and started walking toward them. I was still trying to decide if it looked like B when I saw both my parents head toward them. They were closer than I was, and I can't even begin to tell you how relieved I was when the man handed B to my parents and then they passed him to me. I just stood there hugging him. He was completely unphased by the whole situation, as if it were no big deal. I don't think I even thanked the family. I know my family did, but I didn't.

Apparently, B had wandered around the other side of the tree and into that restaurant. He'd just walked straight to the back and into the kitchen.  The man who brought him to us had seen him walk through the restaurant and had kept an eye on him. He told the kitchen staff he thought he knew where B belonged, and then he brought him to us. Every time I think about that, I realize it could have gone so many different ways. I truly thought someone had snatched him. But even though he had just wandered off, someone still could have taken him, or we could have had to wait to speak to police to prove we were his parents, he could have been hurt, or he could have just been scared and crying.

This isn't the first time one of our children has wandered off in a public place.  Our children seem to have an adventurous, curious streak and not enough fear of strangers and strange places. We are usually so vigilant about keeping track of them in public, because of that. We usually have him in a stroller and we are the not-so-proud owners of two different child harnesses, though we haven't used them in years. But it only takes a moment.

I have been thinking about blogging about that all week long. The gratitude for his safety is so strong and I know God had his Hand on him last Friday. But the embarrassment that I am "that mom" who lost her kid in a public place is also strong. To be honest, my sister had just asked me how I keep track of them all not ten minutes before that. I told her I count constantly and usually walk at the back of the group. And then, just ten minutes later, we were searching for him. Not the best testimony of a large family, are we? 

You can bet we had buddies assigned for the rest of the night, and Steve and I never let our youngest two out of our sight or arms' reach again that evening. I won't be lazy about getting out the stroller next time, even if we are holding up the group. And when I snuggle little B to sleep tonight, and kiss his forehead, I will once more give thanks to God for keeping him safe and letting me keep him. He is so very precious, and God is gracious to this messed-up mom.

April E.

The Family Toolbox and Heart Parenting

 

"Why didn't you do your chores?"  

                                                 "Are you listening to me?"

                                                                                         "Stop freaking out!  I'll get to it!"

If any of that sounds familiar, then you are not alone. All too often, those very things are heard in our home. We give directions, allow the children time to make the right choice and obey, come back to find they haven't chosen to obey, nag, question, lecture, and threaten to remove privileges. The kids respond with defensiveness, excuses, and blame-shifting. Soon we have two angry sides, instead of a family working together. 

 

Unfortunately, if we're truly being honest with ourselves, it isn't just the kids that need to change. We need to change the way we guide them, talk to them, and discipline them. We need to focus on reaching their hearts and not just on their outward compliance. But how do we change our own parenting? What specific actions do we need to take?

The Family Toolbox is a DVD/video-driven program that brings parents and teens together for constructive dialogue around significant issues of discipleship. (Note I didn't say discipline ... but discipleship, which goes so much further.) There are 8 video lessons with dramatized family scenes that can be used as conversation starters with our teens. But before sharing the family dramatizations with our teens, the parents should view them, as well as the 10-minute lesson for parents from Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN. These lessons give parents practical tools to use right away.

The accompanying workbook includes discussion questions for teens, as well as the parents. These lessons are not just targeted at the teens, but discuss ways that both parents and teens can improve. There are sixteen Life Success Principles that are practical and Biblically-based.

When my teens first saw the family dramas, they tried to turn them into a joke. They wanted to laugh about the teens fighting with parents, and the things that were said. We were able to get them past that by asking them to point out problems on both sides of the parent-child interactions. Allowing them to honestly and respectfully discuss ways that parents contribute to the problem, and humbly accepting their thoughts opens up a trust-channel that lets them hear your constructive criticism, as well. The goal is to improve the family team and open up discussions that change the heart, not just fix the child's behavior.

I will be honest. This can be hard for parents. We want to point out our child's disobedience and disrespect, but we don't easily  accept them pointing out our faults. If used appropriately, with mutual respect and a teamwork approach, this can change your family dynamics. We are still working through the materials, but I am learning a lot. We have taken parenting classes in the past and joked that we needed one for parenting teens. Well, here it is.

These lessons are not one-time fixes. Our kids may still continue to struggle or make poor choices. We will fall back into nagging or angry lectures, as parents. But these lessons give us a reference point for continued discussion and discipleship, and continued change. It is an ongoing process.

The family-use version costs $79.95 to download, or $99.95 (plus shipping) if you want to buy a physical copy. There are also packages available for churches or other groups, and more information can be found at the National Center for Biblical Parenting .

Things You Won't Learn From Me

I'm sorry. I don't have all the answers. I mess up regularly. My kids are imperfect. I am imperfect. My house looks like it's full of imperfect people. Very full of very imperfect people.

Unfortunately, you will not find the answers to your problems here. 

I can't tell you how to keep up with your laundry or keep a spotless house while homeschooling. Lately, my husband often resorts to folding clothes because he's out of socks and underwear. My entry area usually has more shoes on the floor than in the shoe cubby. It's a daily battle and some days I just don't feel like fighting it. My husband hates stepping over shoes (or tripping over them) so I need to focus on it more.

I don't have the answers to stop your kids from fighting. It seems like every day I am breaking up arguments, and wrestling matches turned violent ... non-stop. But, I can promise you that even if your kids argue and fight, they can also be good friends. My kids alternate between being the best of friends, and fighting like cats and dogs. At least they like each other, most of the time.

I don't know how to get your kids up, dressed, and moving toward schoolwork in a calm, peaceful, organized way each day. Yeah.  No help here. It has only gotten worse as our family grew and the age span of kids grew. It was better when most of my students were girls. But now I've got school-age boys, and it's so much worse. The dawdling, the wrestling, the constant picking at siblings to irritate them. This is not how I imagined homeschooling would be. But, they are learning, and they enjoy spending time together.  It just takes way longer each day to get things done than it should, or could.

I can't tell you how to fit in your devotions, exercise, reading time, and date nights with hubby.  It seems like I should be able to do those things on a regular basis, and homeschool, and kind of keep house. But I don't. I know that devotions and exercise would help me personally, and that date nights with hubby would help our marriage. Knowing that and achieving them are two different things, though. I am just so tired when morning rolls around that I can't convince my body that it's best to get up early for devotions and exercise before the kids are up. And I haven't figured out how to take DH's mega-busy schedule, the family's mega-busy schedule, the mega-fighting kids, and the budget ... and get them all to line up for a date night. I guess I either need to trust the kids to manage with siblings babysitting them and no one bleeding, or I need to just bite the bullet and hire an actual babysitter ... preferably one who will keep the kids at her house or won't judge me for the state of my house.

I can't show you pinterest-worthy pictures and projects.  I don't have much time for projects. I barely have time to blog (without kids screaming and the house falling apart). And when I do manage something, I can't get a decent picture of it. For example, last week I hung a string up high across our living room, and put the kids' fall watercolor paintings on it with paper clips. I tried to take a picture, but I couldn't show their art-line without also showing the cluttered DVD shelf and over-packed school bookshelf. They just aren't very attractive. But, I want you to know that I really like their art-line and it makes me smile.  I'm glad I did it.

I can't tell you how to keep a sweet, calm smile and a quiet, gentle voice at all times. Even if I wanted to, it wouldn't work well in my home. I'd never be heard. I tried it once, because I heard that if you whispered the kids would quiet down and listen. They didn't. They just kept on playing, and arguing, and winding up more and more. If I didn't raise my voice at times, it would become total chaos ... several times a day. Or constantly. And yes, I lose my temper. Yes, I get sarcastic and rude sometimes. Yes, I have to apologize. Yes, I sometimes go to bed kicking myself and feeling like a failure.

Despite all that, I want you to know that you can still succeed.  You can still raise healthy adults, who know they are loved, and are fairly well-educated. Granted, I have only got one daughter in college, but she's doing very well, loves God, and she knows she is loved. We have a good relationship. I have another daughter who is a senior this year. She hasn't yet launched into the world, but she's making plans, and I do believe she'll do well.

I admit I'm a little more nervous about some of the younger kids. But I'm hoping this is as crazy as life will get. As they all get older, and some of them launch into the world, it should get a bit more organized ... right? The reality is that I see their worst behavior here at home. Elsewhere, I always hear that they are great kids. I just have to remember that on the worst days.

But, my hope is that LOVE covers it all -- that loving my imperfect kids, admitting I don't have it all figured out, and starting fresh each day will get us through.  I need God's GRACE for myself, and I need to give it to my children. Our house may not seem very PEACEFUL, but I continually seek after God's PEACE in my heart, and I try to instill it into my children's hearts. I want them to know our home is a safe place, a nest, full of LOVE, PEACE, GRACE, JOY, and COMFORT. It may not be the prettiest nest, it's rarely quiet, and there may be whole weeks when I hope no one shows up unexpectedly, but I pray GOD'S SPIRIT dwells here. I hope they see HIM in ME as I try to teach them to love each other, to work diligently, and to forgive. Lots of forgiving.

In other words, I can't tell you how to do everything just right, how to look just right, and how to get your kids to act just right.

I can tell you that every day is a new day, and that God can take your messed up efforts, and use them to His glory. 

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galations 6: 9

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

"Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." 1 Corinthians 15:58


Just keep trying, and trusting in Him!

April E.

God Will Take Care of the Rest

Originally written for a baby shower, adapted for my blog.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I fully expected to be a great Mom. I'd been babysitting and working in church nursery since junior high, teaching Sunday School since High School, and when I was 17 my parents adopted a one month old baby who I loved taking care of. I was pretty sure I had the “baby thing” down. 

Then 3 am of our second night home rolled around, she couldn't latch on to nurse, we were both crying and suddenly I was a “failure”.  I realized that being a Mom is so much harder than babysitting and nursery work and even being a big sister to a baby. At least then I got to sleep all night, in my own bed, alone.

No matter how confident we are about our abilities to be Moms, eventually we find ourselves crying out to God in our bedroom, surrounded by wads of tissues and an empty bag of chocolate. We pour out our tears and probably some snot onto our husband's shoulders.  If he's wise … he'll tuck us into bed and tell us we are wonderful and it will all be okay. And it will be. Because no matter how much we feel like failures, we are not. If we're trusting in God and doing our best, it will be okay.

Five years later, I was struggling as a young homeschool Mom.  I felt like a failure that my five year old wasn't “getting” the whole reading thing, my 3 year old didn't want to potty train and could throw a tantrum to end all tantrums. I had a new baby and I just knew I was FAILING THEM ALL. 

It was at that point that a friend shared some very important truths with me. 

• God gave these children to ME for a reason. He chose me for them, and them for me. It wasn't a random thing.
• More importantly … God loves my children even more than I ever can. He cares about their future even more than I do. It's not all on my shoulders. He's there to lead me, to guide me, and to help draw my children to Him. 
•  I have a responsibility to take care of them and to teach them about God. But it isn't my responsibility to be perfect or do everything just right. 
• God can redeem my mistakes and work out His purpose for my children, despite my failures and weaknesses. 

I have clung to that truth over the years. It was so freeing to know I wasn't solely responsible for my kids' spiritual future, their health, or their success.

But, when I am tired and when I neglect my relationship with God, I find myself trying to take on that burden again. I look at my own weaknesses and mistakes. I look at my children's behavior, their sinful hearts, and I blame it all on Steve. And myself. I just know those wicked kids are bound for juvenile detention and headed straight to Hell. My house is going to be condemned and my kids all taken away from me. 

After 19 years of motherhood, Steve has this figured out now. He knows exactly what to do. He sends me to bed. Sometimes I stomp my way to bed, angry that he thinks I'm the one with the problem. Sometimes I run because I know I am exhausted … and I can cry in bed without having to explain myself.

But God is gracious and loving. The Bible says He is a tender mother, who gives grace and peace and wisdom when we seek it. After one of these meltdowns, I always wake up feeling more hopeful and joyful. The house magically looks cleaner (and not because elves cleaned it in the night) and my kids are suddenly transformed into good kids once again. 

I know that nothing has really changed. It is entirely my perspective that has changed. As Moms, we have to take care of ourselves physically and spiritually. We will give in to negativity and depression if we don't.

I don't know if you have seen the movie Moms' Night Out. I just saw it last week. It is the story of four different stressed out moms, but mainly one woman (Allyson) who is struggling with finally having her dream of motherhood but feeling like a failure. She isn't happy, can't seem to get her act together, and is just beyond overwhelmed. She's "stress-paralyzed", to quote her.

Two sections at the end of the movie stuck out to me. At one point Allyson receives a blessing from an unlikely source – a tough biker named Bones. She pours out her heart to him about how she is such a failure and she's just never enough. He tells her about an eagle cam he saw of a mother eagle caring for her young. Bones says:

“It's a beautiful thing to watch one of God's creations just doing what it was made to do. Just being an eagle, and that's enough. Y'all spend so much time beating yourselves up, it must be exhausting. Lemme tell you something, girl. I doubt the good Lord made a mistake giving your kiddos the mama He did. So just be … you. He'll take care of the rest.”

Later on, Allyson passes the blessing on to someone else. Her young sister-in-law, Bridget, who is a single mother says that Allyson must think she's the worst mother ever. Allyson tells her that she knows exactly how that feels and confesses that she doesn't have the Mom thing all figured out either. Then she tells Bridget, “This mom thing is crazy hard. But you're doing an amazing job.”

This Mom thing IS crazy hard. It's harder than I ever thought it would be. But we aren't expected to figure it all out on our own. We have God's grace and wisdom to guide us, husbands to encourage and walk beside us, and church family to help us.

Don't get discouraged by all the different view points out there re: feeding babies, diapering babies, getting babies to sleep, vaccinations, education, and whether Barney is good for kids or not. Just be yourself. Research. Pray for God's wisdom. Seek your husband's advice (and listen to it). Do your best. God will take care of the rest.

Jeremiah 33:3 says, “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”

Psalm 145 also says,

“ The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made ... The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down ... The Lord is righteous in all His ways and loving toward all He has made. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love him.”  Psalm 145: 8 – 20.

Call on God. He will hold you up and show you everything you need to know to raise your children in your family. It won't be exactly like your sister's family, or your pastor's family, or even the way your parents did it. But that is just the way God wants it to be. 

He placed your children in your family for a reason. And He says “it is very good.” So just be you, and don't try to be perfect. Trust in Him and He will take care of the rest.

April E.