Being pregnant right now isn't helping my emotions. I recognize that. But it's hard to feel appreciated when:
- the kids aren't obeying,
- they stand by and watch you work without pitching in,
- they focus on what you haven't done for them rather than what you have done,
- meals that you put time and effort into aren't appreciated
- meals that you didn't put time and effort into, but still dragged yourself into the hot kitchen to prepare, are rejected,
- you have to repeat yourself over and over and over,
- the house is continually a mess, and it seems no one cares but you,
- deep down you know that all of those issues mean you didn't train your kids well enough.
And then there are the disappointments. Everyone faces disappointments, and I know I'm not the only one. I have friends hoping to conceive, who watch others conceive while they just continue to hope ... month after month. In reality, this and many disappointments of those around me far outweigh my own. I know this, but the pregnancy hormones don't help.
So I've been feeling unappreciated, disappointed, frustrated, and sad. They're just feelings ... and feelings lie ... but feelings can be hard to overcome. Which means it's time to stop thinking about myself. It's time to stop looking at the negatives, and try to find the good. My focus is obviously in the wrong place.
Lord, help me to have a servant's heart. Help me to serve joyfully, no matter what. Lord, help me to give all my hopes and dreams to you ... and trust YOU for the outcome. Even if those dreams are never realized, help me to be content. Change my heart, Lord! Amen.
Trying to walk in His ways,
April E.
