The featured blogger for the past week or so has a blog title that has caused me to think: "The days are long, but the years are fleeting." I'd been pondering that statement off and on for awhile, ever since LifeLongAlaskan was first chosen as featured blogger. And then on Sunday, I found an old note card a friend wrote me a few years ago in my Bible. Her last line in her encouraging note was "The days are long, but the years are fast." There it was again.
I've been thinking about my failures as a mother, my weaknesses, my selfishness. Somehow, things have changed over time. I've changed. I interact with my children differently than I did before. The older children need less of my time in their schooling, but I'm not giving the younger ones the same attention I did to the older children at that age.
I can't think when I last read a book aloud to the children. I probably read a board book to the 2 yo a week or two ago, but a story book to the preschooler and elementary students? Not lately.
But I have to admit it's not because I'm so busy with chores, housework, or teaching, either. It's just a laziness, distance, and selfishness that I've settled into. I've allowed other distractions to keep me from interacting more with my children.
Somewhere, somehow, I've let myself settle into just supervising them, rather than mothering them. Once upon a time, I felt God urging me to do more than just discipline my children, but to disciple them. To lead by example, and frequent conversation. At another point, I felt that my goal needed to be "immersion mothering", as opposed to just childcare. I need to reconnect with my children.
Besides my mothering, I'm also feeling I'm just letting the days pass by without accomplishing many of the projects and goals that I say are important to me. Where is my focus? Is this how I want my days to continue?
"The days are long, but the years are fleeting." They are fleeting, and I'm just letting them slip away. My oldest daughter will be 13 in a few months. I don't have much time left with her. And each of these children needs me to be focused on their growth and their needs. Our seventh baby is coming, and our oldest is almost a teen. Time management isn't going to get easier anytime soon. I need to make some changes.
"Lord, help me to change. Show me what my priorities need to be. Help me to be focused each day on my goals and priorities. Help me not to waste the time you've given me with my family. Amen."
Trusting in Him,
April
